All these memories haunting me, taking control.
I sit looking at the bright screen, wanting to cry. It’s nothing, just can’t take the shit I’m put through every single day. I’m not as strong as i make myself to be. Nor as tough as i seem to be. Most people would call me a bitch and alot of people are scared of me, because i fight. I fight my way through life, and this shit gets old. I Don’t have anyone close to me anymore. My “best friend” was a back stabbing BITCH. Telling everyone my secrets, after promising she would take it to the grave, me confiding in her believe every word she spoke and she blatantly lied to my face and went behind my back, and to this day she still telling people i’m saying stuff when i’ve not spoken a word to her since the day i said i had someone i wanted her to meet and she bit my head off. She betrayed me and thanks to her i trust NO ONE. My boyfriend always yells at me, never seem to be enough for him, and when i confront him about it he flips the script. Becomes loving, pleading not to leave him. I’m 17 i can’t keep living with all this stress. He gets mad at the fact that im going to college and hell still be in school, and it makes it hard to leave portland to better my life when someone doesnt want you too. I’m planning on being a nurse and i made the comment to my MOTHER that i didnt want to clean her son up because i just walked through the fucking door, and she said there is no way you can be a nurse. You know what yes there is a way, as long as im away from this FUCKED UP family. Nothing i do is good enough for any of you. I dont even have a goddamn father for christ’s sake! Never had a childhood, because of the two of you. I hope you get to read this. because maybe you’ll actually listen to this after i post it. You think my threats are empty and they’re not you’re going to push me to the point of snapping. One little girl can only take so much.
Let me get you up to speed on my FUCKED up life.
3mnths- molested by my babysitter up to 13 months. noone figured it out until it was late.
3yrs old broke my arm
5yrs- raped by my father
6yrs- moved away from everything and everyone i knew
7yrs-ma and dad got married and life turned for the worse
8yrs- molested by my dads friend.
9 to 12- Beaten, mentally abuse, groomed by father.
13yrs- moved away again!
15- forced to do things i didnt want to do or would have gotten the shit beat out of me.
16- ex shot me up with herorin after passing out from drinking.
17- is yet to be written.
theres plenty more. you just prob dont want to hear it. but i have to live with all this stuff on my mind everyday.
but back to putting up a front i do because i just want to be except, and not picked on bc im short or because ive got a butt or tits or because im fucking mixed with cuban. Im not a wet back i am an american.
idk ive got so much i could sit and write for hours but i guess this is enough for today.
*sighs*
